Just a little bit of grey goes a long way

I always relate my life to music and I was listening to a song which reminded me of my ex. Trey Songz "Holla if ya need me" is the perfect way to describe our relationship. He talks about how they had their ups and downs but he will always be there for her if she needs. No real mention of being back together. I always thought there would be this clear cut, black and white area to define the relationship I have with a man that is not just a platonic friend. If we have feelings for each other and we care about each other, then we should be together and if we can't be together then there should be no feelings. Simple. Unfortunately relationships just aren't that black and white. I think the sooner we as women realize that not every man we develop feelings for will be the man we should be with and just because you can't be with someone doesn't mean you won't have feelings for them; the sooner we will be able to call a spade a spade. Men have no problem doing this. Men know the homegirl from the wife from the friend with benefits from the ill-termed "jumpoff/booty call". We as women love to try to change and fix and "upgrade" a man and wait for him to grow. The key is to see the gray and interact accordingly. My ex and I will always have a flame for each other, if we need something, the other would be there without a doubt. We can hang out and spend time together. We CANNOT have sex together. If either of us is in a relationship, the other person respects boundaries and we will not get back together. He's not the one. That doesn't make him bad or me bad. Just means we need to keep searching....in the meantime, "I'll holla".

The Best Thing I Never Had

My ex-husband recently made it clear that he had made a mistake and that he misses me and still loves me. Only thing that popped into my mind was "Sucks to be you right now". Often times songs like "Best I Never Had" by Beyonce and "Blame it on Me" by Chrisette Michele are dismissed as underrated or even bitter but in all honesty those songs reflect real feelings. They are valid places in a person's (not just a woman's) life. Some relationships just need to be over and that is A-ok. When I read my ex-husband's words, I literally embodied Beyonce and was thinking "thank God you blew it, thank God I dodged a bullet"....it was the best thing for my life. It was almost a mini celebration for me. Not because he was filled with regret, but because I was at a place where I could see the situation for what it was and could not be sucked back in by those 4 words that can break a woman down "I Still Love You". I've stated in previous entries, love is not enough to be with someone. It takes more. In that moment I will admit I did feel vindicated because my ex realized something I already knew...I'm a good woman and he was lucky if not blessed with a miracle to have had me. But it's more than that...it's closure with a rhythm and a beat.