Who dat is?!

Ok, maybe my mindset is a bit twisted but I cannot understand why people that have children with another person and have separated from that person see the need to meet the new person that they are dating. The argument is usually "I need to see what kind of person is around my child". First of all, if the person is bad, or mean or neglectful....do you think they are going to tell you or show you in your little one hour meeting? Second, even if the person is someone you later find out you don't like, that's your opinion and short of them abusing your child, there is nothing that can be done about it. The problem that arises is something we don't think about when we have kids with people we are not ready to spend our lives with, people look at things differently. Its immature for you to assume that your ex is going to feel the exact same as you do as a parent. Its even more immature to believe that the person that your ex is dating is going to always meet your standards as a parent...guess what, they don't have to. They just have to meet the other parents standards. We've gotten this idea that is a matter of respect. I think that's crap...its a matter of being nosy. If you and your ex have the type of relationship where you co-parent in sync then chances are you will meet the new person and an event in the child's life anyway. But if you dont have that type of relationship, then what makes you think you should you have the right to inspect the aspects of their lives...that's unreasonable. Are you going to have you ex line up all of their friends and family members that the child will be around? How about their neighbors that the kids will play with? All of those people have the ability to have the same amount of influence on the child, yet most people don't request to meet them. My conclusion is because you don't need to size them up In comparison to yourself. The finally thing is, I think we forget who is actually responsible for protecting the child...their other parent. If you have been sending your child to their other parent without major protest that means you trust them to take care of your child...who they bring around the child should be included in that judgment. Do you really believe they are going to put your child around someone that will do intentional, irreparable harm to your child? That's the courts mindset...not whether or not you like them, whether they pose harm to the child. If you have a problem with the other parent period, that's the issue, not the person they are dating. That is something the court would have to get involved with, but keep in mind if the judge rules in favor of your ex, you have no say on meeting the person they are dating. I think when your ex is marrying someone and your child will be co-parented by another person, that may be cause for a meeting. Just because you all have to be on equal pages in the development of that child, but girlfriends/boyfriends don't count. I personally wouldn't waste my time dealing with my sons father's girlfriend. I choose to evaluate the source...him. He has demonstrated that he is a questionable parent and the court agreed. I never wanted to meet her because I'm sure she is probably questionable too. We have to be careful to do whats in the best interest of the child and not whats in our best interest as a person. The less drama the better.

#NP "Ascension"

"Shouldn't I realize, you're the highest of the high. If you don't know then I'll say it, so don't ever wonder" I was listening to Maxwell "Ascension" and I was really paying attention to his appreciation for the woman he was referring to in the song and it hit me that  somewhere along the way, I stopped setting that standard for myself. I dunno if it was because I was so busy trying to superwoman and take on the world that my standards became "acceptable". As long as he doesn't call me out my name, try to take advantage of me, and is courteous everything is OK. But it hit me, I am settling. Even in friendship a woman should feel cherished. Granted there are different levels to which someone I'm not with can "cherish" me, but the people you're around should always make you feel like you want to be your best. Hanging out with one of my guy friends he always adores me (except when we are arguing even though he knows I'm always right). I think people should be worthy of your presence, that applies to both men and women, but woman have been settling. If you're your best you, why shouldn't you be treated as such...this isn't about the money he spends or places he takes you. I mean the way you feel when you are around a man. I made a pact with myself, if I'm around a guy and he doesn't make me feel adored then I shouldn't be around him. When you are around a man that treats you with a certain caliber of respect it does 2 things. 1. It keeps you standards high for the right man (don't confuse high standards with picky and unreasonable). They give you a good gauge for what you need in your life to feel appreciated as a woman and not waste your time, settling, wishing, hoping for a guy to be better than who he is. Sometimes people can make me feel guilty for feeling like what they do around me and how they make me feel around them is not good enough for me. Like I should set lower standards. The way I see it, if I'm ready to take the world by storm, why would I accept a man that's sub par in comparison for the rest of my lifestyle. 2. Being put on a pedestal as a woman gives you the appreciation, confidence, love, and respect for men. Relationships are about give and take. I know when I get a certain amount of respect and admiration as a woman, I want to give that and more back. I had gotten away from that because I was so busy trying to be the strongest, hardest, most successful woman that I didn't set the right give and take standards. I felt like I could give myself everything and satisfy myself  so there was no reason to expect so much or give so much. Reciprocating each others needs is the point of a relationship. And feeling special and adored makes me want to be encouraging and supportive...and get in the kitchen and get down!